An interesting revelation over the weekend seemed to come up. At the MSFC institute, speakers and attendees alike both mentioned concern for their well-being and how it could affect their loved ones or significant others. When they said they would be an abortion provider after medical school and residency, more often than not, their partner would show concern, and this seemed to weigh heavily on my fellow attendees’ heads. It’s scary how we’re told that we might even have to buy a place in another person’s name to protect identity just to safely serve our future patients. What other medical profession has to think about something like this? 

On the way to the Tough Mudder, this being their first time, my teammates were talking a little bit of not just their own fears that if they died (highly unlikely btw) or got seriously injured, but that of their respective partners. There was a hint of annoyance in each of their tones, like remember there’s a last bit of mindless work to do before the end of the day. 

In both instances, I remained silent, unsure of what to say, or whether to take part. I’ve never really thought about it because I really don’t have that person to stand by my side. I’ve gotten so use to doing things on my own, that my risks and personal victories remained just that - personal. I don’t have to think about that person who would worry about me, or anyone to share in my victories with.  Or I just don’t think about all those people who would worry about me. But why would they? I’m replaceable. It’s who I am, and what I’ve been told time and again throughout life. I accomplish because they’re there. Because I love I challenge. I help people (or I try to) because it’s the right thing to do and really, I believe everyone deserves to be cared for, and placing one above the others would be selfish to a degree.

Sometimes I think it’s freeing to not have to be connected in that way. Other times I feel kind of left out when everyone’s got that person to worry about them, annoying as it may be. It’s an observation I’m noticing with more of my friends. Quite interesting.

Many more to go. 

This time, a different group of old friends. We’ve known each other since the beginning of med school, taken NoH8 photos together, continued close relationships, and on the eve of their graduation, done something they’ve always been afraid to do, yet still always wanted to do, before. Through perseverance and blind courage, we get shocked and beat down to hell. And yet, we come out of it alive, better for it, with beer in hand. 

Cheers. 
Here’s to team Unicorn Sparkle!

ps. My mohawk has returned!